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Showing posts from February, 2021

Why I Don't Play Video Games

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My anxiety and depression are genetic, and come from both of my parents, which essentially means that both me and my sister have dominant alleles for it. I've been recently kind of opening my eyes to just how much this has affected me, in the sense of how much of my day to day life experience which I consider normal is so radically different from what actual "normal" people understand. This has been kind of a source of angst in the time I've been thinking aboot it. What's worse than living in a fucking nightmare? Knowing that there is another way that I'll never be able to experience. And so, being a little more acutely aware of just how abnormal I am and how many things I see has horrific, painful battles are actual simple, innocuous events to everyone else is very painful to comprehend, but at the same time it gives me a kind of perspective that is in some ways useful for me to try and manage it.     So what I wanted to write about today is the depression si

DeviantArt Uploads!

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I realized that I write kind of a lot in my descriptions for things I upload to my deviantart, y'know for context. And I wanted today to write something more but all that I can think to write about it pretty personal stuff about feelings and relationships and kinks and while all that stuff would be fun for me to take the time and write about, I'm not really feeling like putting in the effort at the moment to focus on it, and what's more, the mental and emotional focus it would take to write super personal evaluations and stuff like that is kindaaaaa not really the best right now. I'm very kind of drained and tired, I'm still not really quite back to 100%, but I am getting there.     So instead I decided, well, I already HAVE written things for my deviantart uploads today... so why not just link those here? That way my daily writing stuff can still all be here, but y'know, I don't have to torture myself! ^o^ So, here are the 4 SL pics I put on deviantart toda

Starting Diary Again/Just Checking In

I had wanted to write about what it's like living with crippling anxiety, and the details of the sorts of things I struggle with on a daily basis, but I actually am kind of tired and don't want to focus on writing about something so heavy right now.     I guess I should explain what happened with the blog. So I had three posts up, then awful things happened that shook me and made me feel like my life was over and completely took me out of writing anything anymore, and even got me to hide all my previous posts. Someday I'll maybe unhide them again, I guess.     Don't really know what I want to talk about. Oh, I updated my deviant art page for the first time since I was scared away by a creep who belittled me because I said no when he crossed my limits. I didn't upload any SL stuff because I wasn't really feeling it, but I did upload some paintings and drawings I did. I know no one actually cares about anything I do on deviantart that isn't pictures of me tied