Princess Diaries (But Cool)

So that's what it took. I had to get a man to tell me to do it. Oh sure, when my friend Monica encourages me to journal I feel interested enough, sure. But she's a woman, she can't tell me what to do (she can very much and has  very much told me what to do)! I'm knot explaining absences or lack of things I said I'd write because the answers are obvious and boring and I have other things to say. Anwyas, so here's the deal: I finally found an owner. It just  happened and it probably happened maybe a little too fast, still pretty scared, but we both knew pretty quickly that I belonged to him and the question was never aboot desire or really even compatibility. There are technical things to resolve, sure, and other things like protocol, priorities, etc. I've always lived my life for other people but I've never before really lived it for, like... y'know... someone who wanted me. I'ma put a pin in that. That needs context. Meta context, second pin. The...

My anxiety and depression are genetic, and come from both of my parents, which essentially means that both me and my sister have dominant alleles for it. I've been recently kind of opening my eyes to just how much this has affected me, in the sense of how much of my day to day life experience which I consider normal is so radically different from what actual "normal" people understand. This has been kind of a source of angst in the time I've been thinking aboot it. What's worse than living in a fucking nightmare? Knowing that there is another way that I'll never be able to experience. And so, being a little more acutely aware of just how abnormal I am and how many things I see has horrific, painful battles are actual simple, innocuous events to everyone else is very painful to comprehend, but at the same time it gives me a kind of perspective that is in some ways useful for me to try and manage it.     So what I wanted to write about today is the depression si...